The following is only according to this dominant. What I seek, desire, find attractive and keeps my interest. Above all...Keeps my interest. I do tend to get bored easily. As dominants we come in different genders, personalities and opinions. It's a question of finding what mixes well with you. As I've mentioned before, will your demons play well with mine? Or will I find you irritating?
I'm not that complicated. At least I don't think so, but others have said I am. What draws me first to a submissive man is the spirit within him. Am I familiar with it? Do we speak the same language as far as expression and what triggers our deepest needs? Do we have a path between us that we either find fascinating to journey along and/or is it comfortable and one we would enjoy traveling on to our next destination? Does he inspire a need for me to communicate with him? To share secrets and hear his own? If not, my own communication will grow cold and my spirit will already be turning away from him. My interest in him gone...rarely to ever return.
So here is a list that will open your eyes to this dominant and may help you with others if they share the same opinions:
1. Know your yourself. You know what lies beneath your skin and desire to find someone compatible to explore those desires with. You have pushed paralyzing fear aside and have come to terms that life is to be lived fully.
2. Newbies. Personally I don't have a lot of patience for newbies. I realize they have to start somewhere. And there are exceptions. But overall I have found newbies filled with fantasies and, depending on the porn they have watched, bad ideas on what a female dom is and what to expect. There is a lot of time invested in tearing down old ideas mixed with their old vanilla nature and I don't enjoy the process. So mostly, no to newbies.
3. Men/little boys. This has some fine lines involved. Yes, this one can be complicated. For the right submissive it has to come naturally and he must possess that magical mixture of testosterone laced masculinity, and when alone with me display a vulnerability and surrender that radiates an acknowledgement that in my presence he forgets all that makes him man. He forgets his name, his age, his profession and becomes again a deviant little boy longing to please the woman who holds the key to his desires.
4. Begging vs Whining. To me there is a difference! To beg is to know your need is vital and it comes from a deep place within your soul. It's part of your makeup and something that has become a part of our lives together. It can be playful when we are reading each other's mood correctly. Most importantly an unselfish submissive will know when 'no' is 'no' and stop his request immediately. Whereas whining is seen by me as a feeble attempt to push ones own selfish agenda. When this submissive receives a 'no', he proceeds to ask again as if an answer has not been given or chooses to murmur and complain. If I see even a sliver of this behavior, the submissive will be ejected immediately from my life. It's a red flag. And my interest has already died.
5. Greedy vs Bratty. NB was and still is a very greedy sub. But his greed comes from a deep hunger that tends to get deeper with each morsel of deviant behavior thrown his way. It's a 'wide eyed' wonder of discovery and creates a desire to go even further. I love seeing that hunger rise in a sub. It's filled with appreciation and expectation. Bratty behavior exposes a sub's own agenda and wanting his own way without any thought or appreciation of others. It's not about the person bringing forth the desire, but the action and thrill he is seeking no matter what vessel it flows from. It's self gratification. This is easy to spot.
6. Listen. This is the most important fact that will help no matter who you are as a sub or what dominant you are seeking. Listen. Pay attention to what is being said and follow accordingly. Don't pretend to listen, when really all you're doing is preparing your own answer and/or reason for your request. Your words will betray you. I do listen to what you say and how you respond. Listening shows you really care about building something and working the bugs out along the way.
Just a few facts that hopefully will open the door to some relationships and maybe fine tune your method of building a connection with a dominant such as myself.
Show me. Tell me. Expose yourself to me intimately, honestly. It's a good start. ;)
~ Vista
